What if it's You?
by Chloe Grey
Summary: Remus asked, surprised,“Well who?” Sirius struggled to say what he needed to – the truth. He looked Remus in the eye and said,“What if this time… what if it’s you?” SBRL slash. COMPLETE.
1. What if it's you?

**A/N: Yay, my first slash! Aren't you guys proud? Anyway, it's Sirius/Remus becuase they're may favorite, and it takes place mid-end of Phoenix. Technically, it's better as HBP era, but since Siri got the axe... (sob) geez, I'm still not over that. Okay, read, read! Unless slash bugs you. In that case, just don't read! **

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I'm out of creative 'if I did's at the time being, but I'll try again later.

What If It's You?

Sirius rushed into his room, slammed the door shut, and plopped onto the bed like a sulking child. He lay on his back, with his feet still on the ground.

He wasn't even allowed to go to the bloody Muggle supermarket anymore. 'No, no, I'll do it,' Arthur had said, before Sirius was banished to his bedroom again. He was only acting like a child because he was being treated like one. And he wouldn't put it above himself to sneak out – he'd done it before here, he knew everyway to get out of this house without being caught. And that was with protective spells.

Maybe he would sneak out…

A knock on the door interrupted Sirius's thoughts. He stood up and said, "Come in."

Remus slipped into the room. He glanced around, and upon seeing Sirius and him were alone, looked relieved.

"Did you talk to Nymphadora yet?" Sirius guessed while Remus shut the door behind him.

"Not yet, but she'll probably find a chance soon enough," Remus sighed.

"So she fancies you. I don't see how that's a bad thing," Sirius lied.

"I know she does, and I've had enough of the 'give it a chance' speech from Molly, thanks," Remus ran a hand through his hair, aggravated. "Sorry. It's just…"

"It's all right, Rem. You don't have to explain," said Sirius with a half smile.

"I don't know if I can," said Remus truthfully. "We may have a thing, but I'm in no position to… She wants to talk about it, but I can't."

Sirius studied his friend. "He admits there is a 'thing'?"

"You look jealous," Remus joked, smiling slightly.

"I am," Sirius admitted, and Remus's smile changed into a mixture of shock and sadness.

"Really, I don't think of her that way. It isn't like that – not that, I have someone and you don't…" Remus sighed again, looking at his friend painfully, "It's horrible of them to keep you locked up here. I see why and all, but… Well, you're Sirius. It's different for you. You're different…. Anyhow, there is no reason for you to be… jealous of that."

"No…" said Sirius, considering something. "I'm jealous of her."

"Why?"

"Because she has you."

Remus stared at Sirius for a moment, and it looked like he was blushing, but he looked away before Sirius could be sure. "She doesn't… I mean, I don't think she even likes me that much – we just spend more time together because of – she doesn't…"

"Rem, I've seen the way she looks at you," said Sirius, patting Remus on the shoulder. "It's like puppy love."

Remus raised an eyebrow at the phrase. Sirius had let it slip out, as things you've been thinking about lately sometimes do in conversation. Sirius knew it was for an entirely different reason that Remus looked appreciative. Sirius knew that Remus didn't feel that way. Sirius just knew… but he didn't want to.

"That's catchy," commented Remus, sending Sirius out of his revere. Sirius shrugged and looked out the window.

"Honestly," he said, "I understand why they can't let me out – and don't you tell anyone that because Sirius Black doesn't give in. Well, not publicly anyway… But I can handle myself."

"I know you can." Remus said, walking over to Sirius and following his gaze. "But you'll be safer here. It's better… the war is coming."

"The war is here. And, in case you hadn't realized," Sirius added, looking at Remus in mock shame, "the last one didn't turn out so well."

Remus laughed humorlessly, "I had realized that, believe it or not."

"I'm worried, last time it was James. And Lily. Rem, what if…" Sirius stared at his feet, it was killing him to think like this – and now to say it out loud.

"I'm sure Harry will be fine, Siri."

"I wasn't talking about Harry."

"Oh?" Remus asked, surprised. "Well who?"

Sirius struggled to say what he needed to – the truth. He looked Remus in the eye and said,

"What if this time… what if it's you?"

A crease formed between his eyebrows, and Sirius had to look away. When he turned back, Remus's face was blank. If Sirius hadn't known him so well, he wouldn't have been able to detect the thing – even James couldn't do it, it was a connection the two had always had – in his eyes. It was something Sirius now realized he'd been looking for, for years. Maybe it was realization, maybe it was love, or maybe it was something else entirely, but whatever it was, it made Sirius take a step closer.

Their lips touched, and Sirius forgot to care about the war, to worry for Harry, to fear for his friend.

Sirius felt Remus's hands find his hair, he wound his fingers through it. Sirius pushed Remus over to the dresser, and put his hands on either side of him, pinning him against it. Remus untangled his hands from Sirius's hair, and put them on his neck where his pulse was threatening to kill. Sirius started to unbutton Remus's shirt, and he put one hand on Sirius's waist. Half finished unfastening Remus's shirt, Sirius stretched his hands above Remus, resting his palms on the dresser above his head and leaning further into him.

Remus pulled away first, his eyes confused. They searched Sirius's, looking for some sort of explanation. Sirius felt his heart drop through his stomach. He looked at his feet and tried to step back, but Remus grabbed his arm and held him in place.

The debate clear in his eyes, Remus slowly moved his hand to Sirius's chin, and leaned in. The kiss was soft, a little uncertain. Sirius, still panting slightly from before, placed his hand below the collar of Remus's shirt and felt the werewolf's heartbeat – fast, although the kiss remained delicate. Sirius felt Remus snake his arm around him, and Sirius leant in, closer –

And then Molly Weasley stormed in.

"Where have you two bee-? Oh!" She paused, her face stunned expressionless. She closed her eyes, squeezing them shut. Remus was across the room in half a second.

"Thank you, Molly. I'll just… Supper is ready?" he asked, buttoning his shirt. Molly nodded, still keeping her eyes shut. She was bypassing red, turning a purple-ish maroon color. Remus muttered "thanks" again, and stepped around her where she stood in the doorway, her hand still grasping the knob.

Sirius heard Remus climbing down the stairs. After a few moments, Molly opened her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Dinner's about ready," she said weakly, talking to the top of the dresser.

"I'll be down there," answered Sirius, still facing the dresser, his back to her.

Molly nodded again, and walked off absently. Sirius sighed and lifted a hand to the dresser for support. He took a step forward and leaned his head against it, the scent of musky wood filing his head. It didn't smell nearly as good as Remus. Sirius wondered if it _tasted_ as good as Remus. He also wondered if anything did.

**Review!**


	2. If Only

What if it's You?

Remus crept down the stairs quietly, confused. His thoughts were a mess of emotion and embarrassment. He just had to get out of there; kissing Sirius like that, it was reckless and stupid. Maybe he could sneak out the door, before –

"Hey Remus," Nymphadora said brightly, "Can I have a word?"

Groaning internally, Remus changed directions and started walking with Tonks. "Sure," he said politely as they walked to the door.

Remus pulled the door open, a gust of cool air made Tonks shiver. "Brr…" she muttered, running a hand along her upper arm. Remus nodded, forcing a smile, and held the door open for her. Tonks smiled back and walked out into the grassy square. Remus walked over to her as she spun in a slow circle, arms out spread, while her light brown hair seemed to float around her face. Tonks ended the turn and they strolled over to the waist-high, chain link gates.

"You're all pink," she commented. Remus blushed further at the fact that his previous blush hadn't faded yet. Tonks laughed – like bells.

"Nymphadora…" he said. Remus was bewildered, he had no idea were his feelings lay, he knew where he wanted them to lie, he knew were they _needed _them to be, and he knew where they should remain.

Tonks leaned against the gates. She took each of Remus's hands in her own and pulled him toward her, swinging their arms like a child.

"Tonks," she corrected him.

Remus cleared his throat, "Sorry. Okay, Tonks…"

"Yes?"

"I think we… I can't… I'm not… You're too…" Remus stuttered, trying to make her understand everything, but not really wanting her to know any of what he was currently thinking.

Remus was completely torn. Ripped to shreads; each a feeling, each an opposite of everything else.

Tonks sighed. "Please, Remus, give me a chance to explain something."

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea," he said truthfully.

"Please," she whined, pouting her lip.

Remus sighed and said, "All right. Explain yourself."

Tonks laughed darkly at his tone. She swallowed nervously, seeming to get that this was her chance.

Remus, who was expecting her to speak, was surprised when Tonks leaned in and pressed her lips to his gently. He lost all train of thought – not thinking what he was doing, or _who _he was doing it to.

Remus pulled himself closer to Tonks, deepening the kiss. Their fingers still intertwined, Tonks moved her hands to either side of his face and sat on the fence railing, so her head was a few inches over his. Remus felt her fingers thrust his through his own hair, guided by hers, they slid down his neck leaving his hair on end, under his collar, across his shoulder. Tonks bit down on his lip, and he pulled back, kissing down her jaw line and throat. She shivered when his lips lightly brushed the length of her collar bone. He nibbled gently at her ear, and her hair brushed against his face.

Remus was aware that the flowery, bleach-like smell filling his nostrils wasn't the one he craved, but his mind was far from his senses. Tonks wrapped her legs around him, and Remus pulled her up further, above him. Tonks's lips met his again, pressing down against him. The pressure had Remus vaguely aware of himself unlocking their hands, moving his to her waist, pushing Tonks down on him. She trapped his top lip between hers as his hand stroked just above the top hem of her jeans. Tonks pushed her lips against his harder; Remus parted his lips, moaning as Tonks skimmed his tongue with hers.

"_Sirius_."

Nymphadora pulled back, surprised. Remus's stomach dropped as he saw her hair – bubblegum pink – and reddened lips, staring up at him confused. Somehow they'd gotten to the stairs of Number Twelve, and were both on their feet again.

"Nothing – I just, I, uh… heard Sirius, calling us in for supper," Remus lied. Tonks bit her bottom lip, and Remus looked away.

That was stupid. Probably the stupidest thing he could have done in the current position. But, as he looked back down at Tonks, he knew that what would be even worse was to tell her the truth. That it didn't mean anything, that it was a mistake, that he _thought she was someone else._

Tonks took his face in her hand, her expectant expression melting into a concerned one.

"You okay, Remus?"

At least she wasn't calling him 'Remmy' now. Remus nodded and assured her that he was all right. Tonks raised her eyebrow suspiciously, but let it drop along with her hand.

"Right then," she said, abruptly tense again. "Remus, I love you."

"Nympha – Tonks, I…" Remus shook his head and looked away again. The moon was only a tiny slice, but he could feel his pulse connect with it. "I'm a werewolf. And I'm no good for you – too old, too… boring," _Too much in love with my best mate_.

Tonks had her eyes closed when Remus finally looked back at her. She nodded to herself, swallowed, and opened them with a grimace-like smile. "Well, let's just go eat?"

"Sure."

Tonks muttered something about figuring it out later, which Remus chose not to hear, and she took his hand as they climbed the few steps and into Number Twelve. Remus made his way to the kitchen, pulling Tonks along behind him like an overconfident puppy.

Sirius, already sitting at the table, seemed to freeze head to toe when he saw them – their hands, Tonks's hair and lips, and Remus considered how he must look, considering himself the definite victim in this situation.

Sirius's jaw tightened and he looked away, suddenly very interested in his silverware.

_If only he knew…_

**A/N: Hey everybody, I'm back, by popular demand (hehe, that sounds so cool.) Sorry I spent a whole chapter on a onesided TonksRemus, but I'll have you know that this is the only TR I've every written, and Remus is thinking about Siruis the whole time. So... you should be proud! Thanks so much for all the reviews, and keep them coming if you liked (or hated) this! **


	3. Say Anything

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. But I will tell you this: Sirius Black is _not_ dead. He's just... gone.

What if it's You?

Sirius was in agony.

He said only two words during the whole meal ("Nice dinner, Molly") to which his only response was a slight blush and a mumbled word of thanks. His eyes traced the spot where Remus and Tonks's hands were loosely intertwined, the tips of Tonks's suddenly bright pink hair, and the small but happy smile on Remus's face.

Mundungus, who was eating with them that night, was the first to finish. He stood up and, scratching his belly, said, "Fanks for the food. I got some, er, business ta' take care of."

And then he sauntered off. Sirius waited until he heard the front door close before he politely scooted his chair back. "I've got some stuff to do… also. Great supper, Molly." He wiped his face with a napkin and got up. "Have a nice night," he said, looking particularly at two people, "everyone."

Sirius climbed, stair after stair, until he reached the little attic-like room on the top floor. He pushed the door open, slipped in, and closed it behind him.

"Hey there, Buckbeak."

The hippogriff neighed in response, and licked Sirius's outstretched hand. Sirius strode across the room and leaned against the window sill, where the sun was hidden, low to the ground, behind a cloud. Buckbeak followed him, and stood directly in front of Sirius so they were eye to eye.

After looking at the animal for a while, Sirius muttered, "I know, it's just… at dinner, he _looked_ happy, but it was… I don't know, it was probably me, but I thought he looked forced."

Buckbeak grunted.

"I'm serious! It's Moony, I can tell these things. I've watched him since… The point is, I know him very well, and – now don't give me that look – and I can see when he means something or he doesn't."

Buckbeak sneezed, and Sirius laughed, "Except this time," he shook his head, "he really looked happy, and he really looked sad, and he really, really looked embarrassed. I can't figure out why, except…"

The hippogriff blinked and lay down; Sirius slid his back down the wall until he was sitting down too.

"Except that he loves her," Sirius finished.

Buckbeak didn't move, and Sirius sat there for a couple minutes, while the sky got darker and darker behind him.

What if he did? What if Remus were truly in love with Tonks, and he was only avoiding her for her own good? What if he was only nervous around Sirius because Remus thought it was weird the way Sirius touched him at every available chance, that Sirius watched him when he thought Remus wasn't looking?

Finally, after these thoughts were clouding Sirius's head, to the extent his eyes were wet, Buckbeak inclined his head and licked Sirius's knee, then left his head there.

Sirius stroked his head and beak with one hand, and wiped his eyes with the other.

"Say anything," he said, to nobody in particular. Just because he was tired of all this silence, it was like a secret or something. A vital secret.

Buckbeak neighed, and Sirius jumped up.

"You're right. I have to tell him," he said, brushing off his pants. Sirius was halfway to the door before he turned around and hugged the hippogriff around the neck. "Thanks," he whispered, feeling a little stupid.

Then he ran as fast as he could, through the dark house, until he was outside Regulus's room, where Remus had been sleeping. He knocked and waited until he heard a noise from inside before slipping in. Remus was sitting up in the single bed, his hair catching the moonlight.

"I think I need to tell you something, Moony," Sirius admitted breathlessly. Remus nodded and patted the edge of the bed. Sirius crept over, automatically evading the squeaky floorboard about halfway, and sat down by Remus.

He took a breath. "I'm in love with you, Rem. I tried not to be, I don't know how or why – well I know why, actually, but I – I don't need you to say anything, don't feel like you have to impress me or whatnot, but I just – I just needed you to know that." Sirius said this all over the course of about eight seconds, but Remus seemed to catch it. Remus's eyebrows pulled together as he stared down at the comforter on the old bed.

Remus didn't know what to say to that.

Finally, after an awkward silence, Remus whispered, "I'm sorry I kissed you earlier…"

Sirius was shocked, he leaned in so Remus would feel the pressure of his still undecided words. "You didn't – I mean, you _did_, but – no. Rem, you kissed me _back_. _I'm_ sorry, I kissed _you_."

"Oh," Remus said.

_Undecided words_ - that's where it got Sirius. Being Sirius Black, he always had a map already out, a foolproof plan right there from the beginning. He knew what he was going to say, how it was going to sound, what the other person was going to say, and how he would respond, before he even opened his mouth. Except with Remus.

With Remus he was blind.

"Why?" Remus asked suddenly, sending Sirius out of his revere.

"Huh?"

"You said you knew why you… loved… me. Why?"

"Oh…" Sirius said. He looked at his friend, staring deep into Remus's amber eyes. "I love you because you're sweet. I love you because you're smart. I love you because you care, because you're beautiful, because you put up with me. I love you because you're always there for me. I love you because of the way your hair it partial to the sun. I love you because you try, because you're a hopeless act, because I love how you blush at the silliest things. I love you because you're Remus. Because you're my Moony."

Remus blinked, Sirius sounded so sure. He found himself struck silent again.

"Say anything," Sirius begged for the second time that night, his eyes wide with apprehension.

He could argue with Sirius, he had plenty of objections to the speech. He could say that he loved him back, but couldn't even think it without wincing – the happiest wince anyone ever experienced, more like a shiver of ecstasy, but a wince nonetheless.

So he said the wrong thing.

Remus ran a hand over his face, tired. "I don't know who I want - love."

Sirius nodded, the tips of his hair brushing Remus's face.

"But, Sirius," Remus said, sighing, "what if it's you?"

There was a teasing smile in Remus's eyes, and Sirius almost laughed. Instead he pressed against his friend's hipbone with his own, Remus gasped and Sirius felt something harden.

"Okay," Remus said hoarsely, "I'm pretty sure it's you."

* * *

**A/N:**Oh. My. God. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you all for the reviews! Really, you should have seen me - my sister thought I was high or something. So really, thanks. I hope you liked this chapter:)

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	4. Undecided

What if it's You?

Sirius cracked an eye open and squeezed it shut.

Too much sun.

It took him a few seconds to remember anything, or more accurately _feel_ anything that reminded him to remember – the springy bed, his jeans pressed against his skin, the fabric of his sweater, Remus's arm around his waist. Sirius opened his eyes again to look at his friend.

Remus was still asleep, his hair falling across his face. Sirius lifted his hand and brushed it away.

Figuring, for Remus's sake, he should leave the room before anybody else was up – though that was the _very_ last thing he wanted to do – Sirius made to crawl off of the bed.

Remus's arm automatically tightened around Sirius the moment he shifted. Sirius looked over to see he was still asleep, and couldn't look away. So, instead of getting up, Sirius laid his head back onto the pillow and stared at Remus's unconscious face until he drifted back to sleep.

* * *

When Remus woke up, the first thing he did was smile. The first thing he felt was Sirius in his arms. The first thing he thought was _move!_

The second thing he thought was _no_.

So, with that in mind, Remus propped his head up on his elbow to get a better look at Sirius. Sleeping, the black haired boy was so beautiful that all Remus really _could_ do was look at him. He found himself absently running his fingers through said hair, playing with the ends, watching how it glinted in the sunlight.

The only problem he could find here was the fact that Sirius had his eyes closed. The way they pierced through him, the stunning shade of gray – it was torture to have their owner _so _close, and not to be able to see them.

But then, many problems flooded back into Remus's altogether too active mind. Like the fact that Sirius was very much a man, and very much his best friend. Like the fact that Nymphadora had probably entertained herself all night with thoughts of his and her wedding.

The thought made him groan. What was he going to do?

Remus sat up in the bed, trying to find his pants. Being that Remus had already been undressed for bed last night when Sirius entered, he'd ended up the one in boxers. Sirius rolled over on the bed and mumbled something – he was still dressed, and laying above the covers. Remus got up and pulled the covers over his friend to tuck him in.

Then, he reached for a pair of trousers atop the dresser and shrugged them on; thinking about breakfast – or pretending to think about breakfast, which wasn't exactly hard for a boy – while he finished getting dressed.

Remus was at the point of sliding on his socks when the door was cracked open and a female voice entered the room before it's owner.

"Remus, breakfast is ready!"

Remus froze, thinking about how awkward this must look. Him, apparently getting dressed, and Sirius, across the room in Remus's bed – the sheets wrapped around him so tightly nobody would be able to tell the man was, indeed, fully dressed.

That's why he was only half-relieved when the figure appeared, bearing a full head of red hair.

Remus blushed.

"Hi Molly," he said, waving pathetically.

Molly bit her lip. Her eye's were wide, and her expression seemed to be changing every few seconds. Remus recognized some of them: embarrassment, disapproval, awe, shock, understanding, more embarrassment, comprehension, and maybe even betrayal – though Remus's own head was too clouded to find out why – before all expression disappeared from Molly's face.

"Breakfast…" she repeated blankly, then turned around and walked out.

Remus groaned.

After breakfast that morning, Sirius got a letter from Mundungus.

_Sirius –_

_I was at the Hog's Head the other day, keeping an eye on the boy. He's making sum group to teach the kids how to fight against you-no-hoo. I wasn't the only 1 ther, so you may want to talk to the little critter about that. He lets his owl out round eight every night. Tell Molly I aint coming for dinner. _

_- Mundungus_

Sirius skimmed the letter, then re-read it, automatically correcting the spelling mistakes.

"Brilliant!" he shouted with a smile. The gray owl that had delivered the parcel jumped and flew off angrily; everyone at the table drew their gaze to him.

Sirius casually handed Remus the letter to read aloud – Molly was likely the only one who realized how long his hand lingered against Remus's.

Remus cleared his throat and read the letter to everybody at the table. Tonks gasped and shook her head, Arthur smiled but sighed disapprovingly, Molly gaped, and Bill raised an eyebrow.

"They will not!" Molly shouted, and Tonks half-nodded in half-agreement.

"As great as that sounds," the pink-haired girl said quietly, "I don't think that it's the best idea… considering the circumstances."

"Well, I think it's grand," Sirius retorted.

"Sirius…" Remus said, looking over at him. Sirius stared back.

After a short, wordless conversation between the two of them, Sirius grunted and mumbled, "All right. I'll talk to Harry."

"Good, good. All good," Arthur said, forcing a smile. "I'll unreserved the fire tonight - tell everyone to just Apparate on the front steps. Wouldn't want those three getting into more trouble."

The table burst back into casual conversation, but neither Sirius nor Remus were listening.

Sirius was trying to figure out _exactly _what Remus was thinking.

Remus was trying to stop Sirius from doing just that.

Finally, once Tonks and Arthur had left for work – Tonks diverting Remus's attention momentarily with a wink – Sirius gave up and stood.

Remus scraped his spoon around the edge of the empty bowl, ignoring the impatient looks Sirius kept sending him over his shoulder as he walked extremely slowly out of the kitchen.

"I think Sirius wants to talk to you," Bill suggested, and Remus no longer had any excuse.

Before he could get up, however, something squarely hit Remus in the limb.

"Ow!"

"Oh, sorry, Remus!" said Molly, the look on her face catastrophic.

"It's fine…" Remus replied, confused, as he slowly got up and scooted his chair in.

Then he followed Sirius out of the kitchen. As soon as they were on the second floor, Sirius spun around, laughing.

"Is my pain really that funny?" Remus asked, bending over sideways to rub his right limb. He glanced back at the stairs, still perplexed as to why Molly had kicked him.

Sirius seemed to realize because he laughed again. "She meant to kick Bill. _He_ noticed I was hinting –,"

"Oh!" Remus said, relieved. He had been starting to think…

"So you knew I wanted to talk to you?" Sirius said, suddenly outraged.

"I never said that," Remus replied warily.

"You live to tease me. It's true."

"Fancy explaining?"

"I don't think I need to explain. You are very much a tease and you know it."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Fine. If I _were_ a tease – which I certainly am not – how would I be 'teasing' you?" Remus asked, making airquotes.

"I am not at liberty to explain such a fine art," was all Sirius replied.

"Whatever you say."

"_Whatever_ I say?" Sirius repeated suggestively.

Remus raised an eyebrow and Sirius sighed, his eyes darkening.

"Rem…" he started. Sirius grabbed both of Remus's hands for enthusiasm, "Rem, you know I'm head over heels for you. I need to know if I'm only being teased…" Sirius trailed off, his eyes moving from Remus's gold ones, to his lips.

Remus was lost again. He was desperate, as Sirius unconsciously leaned forward. He was confused, in a very orientation-like way. He was, he hated to admit it, sick to his stomach.

Not a good thing.

"Remus?"

"You didn't want to know last night," Remus pointed out, trying to keep his voice soft.

"I'm a busy man. Always on the move – well, not physically. Mentally, mostly, thanks of Dumbledore. Anyway, I change my mind lots, and rightfully so. Give me something to work with, please…"

Remus smiled. "Okay, I love you. I love the guts out of you in a best friend way. In the way you love me… well, there is something. Maybe more than that."

Sirius didn't say anything.

"And… and, I think I may be scared to feel anything else."

Sirius flinched. "Why?" he asked, thinking about Tonks. He was relieved that Remus wasn't repulsed, and that he was willing to admit there was something lurking between them. Both of which went without saying, but it was good to hear them out all the same.

Remus shifted. Apparently this was the wrong question, Sirius thought, so he moved down on the list a few.

"Do you think I'm attractive?"

"Very much."

"Do like that you think I'm attractive?"

"Only when you're there," Remus admitted truthfully.

Sirius muttered something to himself that sounded like 'well, good thing I'm here…'

"Siri…" Remus said, taking a step forward.

"Rem," Sirius stepped closer as well. They leaned toward each other, and a few centimeters away, their lips brushing, Sirius whispered,

"Undecided?"

"We'll see."

Sirius was the tease.

This was the only thing Remus could think as Sirius's lips planted light kisses repeatedly against his own. They were too light, too soft, like the ghost of a kiss. One second his lip was between Sirius's, the next there was a graze of teeth against his lower lip, and a moment later there was the tiniest hint of a tongue. Remus pulled Sirius closer, wanting more, but Sirius only smiled and pulled away.

Remus whimpered, but found it unnecessary – or _more_ necessary – when Sirius trailed his mouth from the corner of Remus's ear to his neck, placing more torturously light kisses along the way.

"What are you _doing?_" Remus asked impatiently.

Sirius mistook his tone for disgust.

"I'm kissing you," he said sarcastically, his voice ringing. Sirius knew he was going to overreact, but if the man you loved told you he wasn't sure, and was afraid to be sure, and gave you a chance to _make_ him sure only to question you when you tired, you wouldn't think twice about overreacting.

"No," Remus clarified, "I mean to say, _why_ are you doing it?"

"Because we slept together!" shouted Sirius angrily, stepping away.

Unfortunately, as seemed to be becoming a tradition, Molly picked that moment to arrive on the second floor.

"Not that…" Sirius stopped talking, self-conscious.

"Hello Molly," Remus said with a hint of repentance. He ran a hand through his hair absently.

Molly opened and closed her mouth a few times before finally finding any words.

"And while I say this, please keep in mind that I would not only say this to anyone acting like yourselves, but that I also mean it with the sincerest intentions," Molly raised an eyebrow to check that they were on the same page. When she was satisfied with their nods, she said with more bravado either could ever expect from the woman, "Get a room."

Remus and Sirius smiled sheepishly at each other, mirroring positions – hands in pockets, staring at feet, and very, very, red.

"Sorry," Sirius mumbled.

"It's all right," Remus replied, taking Sirius's hand.

"Good. Now kiss and make up," Molly said, and then quickly added, shielding her eyes "Oh! Merlin, lest wait for me to leave!"

**A/N:** This chapter was inspired by the first paragraph that Remus thought and the line 'because we slept together!'. Like it? Or should I just start writing chapters with actual plots?

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	5. We Stick

**A/N:** Okay, I gave you guys kind of a key to where we were at with the story last chapter, which means you all know what has to happen in this one. (resumes sobbing.)

That also means this is the last chapter, which makes the whole thing more sad in general. I tried to make this a little more Marauder- orriented and more fluffy, to cushion the blow, and I don't know about the flow of it, but I think it may be my favorite chapter. Oh yeah, and I stole the gazebo-thing from Lady Moonglow, because ever since I read her 'Have You Ever' it has been a part of Hogsmeade for me. Tell me what you think when you finish. Please. :D

And thanks **so** much for the reviews and favorites and alerts, because, really, this never would have gotten a chapter two without them. Hope you like!

What if it's You?

Chapter 5

Sirius hated full moons.

Why, you may ask? First of all, because of what they did to Remus. But mainly because Sirius Black was an extremely selfish creature and any moment he wasn't spending in the same room as his Moony was a moment wasted.

Wasting time was not high on Sirius's list of priorities, especially now he was doing so much of it. Sirius wanted to help with the war, but he wasted time in this godforsaken house. Sirius wanted to visit Harry in Hogsmeade, but no, dementors. And Sirius wanted to stare at Remus Lupin, but the stupid moon was all he could (and would be) looking at for the next six hours and thirty-one minutes.

Thirty.

It was really only a bit pathetic, Sirius thought to himself, because what man who loved someone _wasn't_ a fool? Sirius let his eyes wander the edge of the moon – it was a perfect circle. He glared at the clouds around it, it didn't look as if they were protecting the moon, more holding it back… like it wanted to do terrible things, and the clouds were the only thing stopping it. Despite its round glow, there were dark – almost black – spots tattered over it, possessing it. So, then, it wasn't really the moon's fault, it was what lingered inside, impatient to burst out. Sirius wished Remus would burst out.

Admit, that was…

Maybe.

Sirius shook his head and squeezed his eyes closed. When he tried to find sense in what he'd been thinking about, nothing came to mind. Maybe all this moon-watching was making him crazy.

He laughed to himself and stood from the chair he'd moved to the kitchen window. It was one of those towering, French-door styled ones, where you could see everything and nothing at the same time. Sirius scooted the chair back to it's place at the table and leaned against it's back, wondering what he could do for the rest of the night.

Arthur was staying late at the Ministry, Bill was out with one of the Triwizard champions, Remus was, well, being Moony, and Molly was upstairs sleeping. Harry would be taking his OWLs tomorrow, so he was probably cramming in some last-minute studying, although Sirius liked to think Harry was a better student than he had been, so maybe the boy was _sleeping_.

Funny, because when Sirius looked back at his days at Hogwarts, he could never find a moment that he got any sleep. In fact, the closest things he remembered were sleepovers when the Marauders stayed at the Shrieking Shack on Halloween, and watching Moony sleep a few times… Oh wait, he remembered being yelled at by McGonagall for falling asleep in Transfiguration once or twice.

Sirius's stomach twisted angrily, and he heard it growl as if it had been somebody else's. Someone who didn't look his age, who had been through too much too quickly, who's memories blurred sometimes; someone who was stuck in a house they thought they'd been done with long ago, who was haunted whenever he came across an old book or picture.

Because the Sirius that you would see if you walked into the kitchen of number 12, Grimmauld Place was not the same person Sirius saw himself as. Sirius saw himself as a sixth year, laying across his friends' laps by the lake. He saw himself in the Gryffindor Common Room, practicing for a Charms test with Peter. He saw himself on a broom, flying around the Quidditch Pitch next to James. He saw himself snogging Amelia Bones in a deserted corridor at two in the morning, thinking, in the back of his head, about Remus.

Sirius loathed being a stranger to himself, and everytime he looked in the mirror, that's what he saw, and what he never expected: Sirius had grown up. He'd done it without trying, and without wanting to. Now he wanted to go back, he _missed_ the way things had been before Death Eaters and Azkaban and backstabbing Wormtail's. He knew Remus missed it too, because he could see it in his eyes. They both missed the simpleness, the easiness, the right out everything of being together. They both wanted it.

Sirius just wanted it more.

He wanted to be together again, and Remus was the one he loved, the one he looked up to, and the one who was always there.

Sirius walked over to the pantry, figuring he must be hungry, even though he couldn't feel a thing. As he fished for some Goblin's Pastries on the top shelf, standing on his tip toes, Sirius remembered the day, nearly two years ago, when he'd tracked Remus down at Hogsmeade.

Remus had been shopping at Honeydukes, the little second-year he was at heart, and had immediately recognized Sirius's Animagus form. The look on his face had been the worst part for Sirius: he believed them. Sirius had hissed under his breath and nudged his snout against Remus's hip gently. Remus sighed and snuck into the basement, the route back to the castle inches behind him. Sirius whined, and Remus had spread his arms across the entrance and said,

'No. I won't let you get to Harry.'

'I don't want Harry, you dimwit,' Sirius had replied, switching into human form.

'What?'

Sirius was pulled back to the present, literally, as a miniature Goblin tugged on his finger. Sirius winced and pulled out the box.

He was on his way back to the table for his midnight snack when he heard Arthur and Bill's voices coming from the foyer.

"Is everyone asleep?"

"I think so."

Sirius backed up into the pantry and closed the door, leaving a crack of light he could peek through and get a clear view of the table. Bill was the first to enter the room, and he sat at the head seat, kicking a chair over for his father to sit in. Arthur sunk into the seat and put his face in his hands.

It was quiet for a few minutes, and Bill picked up a leftover butterbeer cap from the middle of the table and started twirling it on the tip of his finger.

Eventually, Arthur let his hands fall. "Tomorrow?"

"That's what I heard. Definitely sometime this week," said Bill.

"But what could be possibly want there?"

"Well, we wouldn't know, would we? That's why they call it the Department of Mysteries."

"Don't be smart with me, boy," Arthur accused halfheartedly; his finger was pointing at Bill, though it was still lying on the table. "You-Know-Who… at the _Ministry_… Tomorrow. We have to warn them."

"They wont believe us. More likely to end up in Azkaban than get a gold metal for saving the Ministry."

Arthur sighed. "If we get word of him there, we'll go. Otherwise, we can't be sure this isn't only a trap. I'll tell Molly, Tonks and Remus. You go ahead and let Mad-Eye and Mundungus know. Maybe that Fleur of yours can help too?"

Bill nodded and stood up. "All right… well, see you in the morning Dad."

Arthur followed suit, and both men left the room. Sirius stayed where he was, too shocked to move. Just before the kitchen door swung closed, Sirius heard Arthur's voice again.

"And Bill? Just… don't tell Sirius. It will only make it harder for him."

* * *

Sirius was woken up at three in the afternoon by a tug on the shoulder. It was very bright, and when his eyes came into focus it was even brighter. Because Remus was kneeling by his bed with his head on his folded arms.

"Hey sleepy."

Sirius smiled and said, "Hi," tiredly.

"I see your still as much of a deep sleeper as always. You've been out cold since I woke up."

"When did you wake up?"

Remus checked his watch, "About four hours ago. And, the funny thing is, _I_ was the one who spent my night locked up."

"I disagree. It was utterly jail, uh, ish, to be here alone."

"Jail-ish, huh?"

"Mhm."

"You know what?"

"Mmm?"

"I think you're still asleep."

"Mm."

"I think…"

"You think?"

"I think that you need some breakfast to wake you up," said Remus. And he only hesitated for a few seconds before he held up a coupon for free breakfast at the Hog's Head.

* * *

"Moony, I love you," said Sirius with a mouthful of bacon. And eggs, and something spicy and green. Remus blushed and smiled as he took a bite of his own eggs. Sirius's smile gleamed; it was the happiest Remus had seen him in years – yes, his hair was bright purple and he was wearing a Eeylop's Owl Emporium apron, but he looked truly happy.

His eyes were wide from the excitement of so many people, his cheeks blushed from the cold (and still more stuffed with breakfast), and Remus could practically hear Sirius's brain buzzing with memories.

When they finished eating, Remus took out the coupons and left Aberforth a couple galleons for allowing Sirius in his pub. Remus held the door open for Sirius, looking around to see what they should do next. But the moment Sirius stepped out of the Hog's Head he took Remus's hand with bright eyes.

"Wanna go somewhere?"

"Where?"

"You'll see."

And then he took off running, pulling Remus behind him. They were halfway to the Shrieking Shack when Remus realized where they were going and burst into laughter. Sirius turned around, a wide smile across his face, and watched as Remus held his stomach as he laughed.

"Come on," laughed Sirius. They walked around the back of the snow-covered hill where the Shrieking Shack stood. Soon, through the heavily falling snow, Remus spotted the gazebo. He couldn't tell if it was still white, because it was almost completely covered in snow, but he _could_ tell that it was intact.

"Wow."

"Wow," Sirius agreed as they reached it. Remus ran his hand along the wooden banister as he climbed the four stairs, automatically skipping the third.

"It seems like it's in better shape than it was in Seventh year," mused Remus. He patted one of the shafts that held up the roof and smiled when it creaked familiarly.

Sirius shrugged. "I had to do _something_ while I was hiding from the Ministry. But look," Sirius ran up the steps and dropped to his knees next to Remus. He began clearing the snow on the ground, until finally Remus spotted the top of a 'd' and a line. He sank down next to Sirius and helped him brush the snow away.

The snow was heavy and the air was cold, so by the time the boys were finished they were both breathing heavily with anticipation, their breath leaving a foggy shadow in the air.

The two men kneeled in the center of the gazebo, looking down at the words carved into the wooden floor.

_Marauders._

And there was a heart around it.

"It was the only thing I couldn't fix. I wanted to… it made me sad to look at it, because of James and Peter… and… anyway, it wouldn't come off. Of course then I was using some bloke from Switzerland's wand, so I wasn't using my magic to it's fullest extent – which you know is very full – but I don't think that mattered. You know why?"

Remus smiled and looked over at Sirius. "Why?"

Sirius took his hand. "Because we stick."

Remus leaned over and rested his forehead against Sirius's. He closed his eyes and smiled as he recalled their first time here.

"_Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs?" James asked curiously, adjusting his glasses._

_Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Prongs sounds like dishware."_

_James hit Sirius across the head with his hand. "'Padfoot', would you like some socks with that?"_

"_I like it," Remus interrupted. They were sitting criss-cross in a circle around the gazebo in Hogsmeade; they were third years, and this was their first trip. Peter had been the hardest to convince that they break away from the group of third-years all close together, afraid of what lay beyond the Hogsmeade Station. _

"_Thank you, Moony," Sirius replied. He held his hand up for a high-five and after Remus hit it, he added, "Moony isn't so bad itself."_

"_But what are we going to be called?" Peter pitched in. He was sucking on a Tongue-Twisting Toffee, so this was the last thing he said before squeezing his face together in blissful pain. _

_Everyone turned to James, for a reason none of them could explain. It was just default to look to James, simply because he was James. _

_And now James, the James who looked so much like Harry, furrowed his brow and whispered evilly, "Marauders. We're the Marauders."_

And then they'd carved it into the floor, and this was _their_ gazebo.

"Remus…"

Remus felt Sirius's breath on his face and he leaned over him, breathing it in. Sirius rolled under Remus, his hair spreading out around him in the snow. A draft of wind blew it into the air, and Remus felt his own fly around his head.

Remus propped himself up over Sirius on his elbows and started undoing his friend's shirt buttons, never moving his gaze from Sirius's gray eyes.

When he was done with his, Remus trailed his lips along Sirius's collar bone, planting kisses down his chest.

"Mr. Moony, are you trying to seduce me?" Sirius joked.

"Is it working?"

Sirius rolled over on the snow so that he was on top of Remus and smiled. "A little too well."

"I feel that," said Remus, smirking.

Sirius smiled and unbuttoned Remus's shirt. "I know what you mean."

* * *

The snow was cold on Remus's back as he rolled off of Sirius, panting. It felt nice.

Sirius laughed dryly beside him and took Remus's hand. Remus smiled and squeezed Sirius's hand.

They lay in silence for a while, making small comments every now and then, but mostly just enjoying the moment. Of course, one of these was Remus admitting that Voldemort had plans at the Ministry that night, and Sirius smugly replying that he already knew.

And then something hit Sirius, hard. Without being able to stop himself, Sirius muttered,

"Tonks."

Remus was quiet for a moment, and then he decided humor would be the best approach to this. Evened things out, humor did.

"I guess I'm not allowed to be with her?"

Sirius tried to hide his smile as he pretended to consider this. "Maybe… maybe if I die."

Remus turned his head lazily to face Sirius, bemused.

"Okay, wrong thing to say. Sorry."

"No," Remus argued, "Nothing you say is wrong. That was just… not… good. I guess."

Sirius laughed. "Okay, in _that _case, I send you two my best wishes. In fact, _that_ is my deathwish."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Sure."

Just then a blue-ish owl came swinging down from the sky, landing on the ground next to Remus. He sat up and pulled off the letter that was attached.

_Remus,_

_Tonight, at the Ministry. Harry is on his way! Come as soon as you can, and don't tell Sirius._

"Shit," Remus muttered, getting to his feet. Hastily he threw the letter to Sirius, too rushed to read the last two lines on the piece of torn parchment.

_Love,  
__Tonks _

Not that Sirius missed them. He was at his feet and clinging to Remus and before either of them could say anything, everything went black.

When the world regained its color, Remus was standing in the front hallway of number twelve, Grimmauld Place and Sirius was sprinting toward the fireplace like a maniac.

Remus knew better than to try and stop him. Instead, he fished through the pockets of his traveling cloak and pulled out a bag of Floo Powder.

Remus handed it to Sirius and said, "Take me with you."

Sirius shook his head but struggled with the strings, trying to pulling open the bag. Remus took it back gently.

"Sirius, I want you to take me with you this time," he said as he opened the bag.

_This time_. That was the part that really seemed to get Sirius, because the man nodded and held out his hand again. Remus pored the green powder into Sirius's hand.

Sirius, going to meet Voldemort, to try and save a Potter. This was all too familiar, and Remus knew what had happened last time well enough to say what he needed to and mean it.

So, Remus took a deep breath and said, "Sirius, I l –"

Sirius threw himself into the green flames, and just before he disappeared, he said, "I know. Really, Rem, I do. I was just waiting for you to."

Remus blinked, and Sirius was gone.

Then, Remus threw a handful of Floo Powder into the fire and followed it, and Sirius, and whatever waited at the Ministry. The next thing he knew, Sirius was falling, falling, falling through the veil and he was holding Harry back.

His friend's son's screams filled Remus's ears, a thousand times quieter than the ones echoing, trapped, inside himself. They were all screaming the same thing.

_Sirius, I love you._

**The End.**

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